Damn, did you sleep?
Digitizing writing from a journal that begins on January 12, 2003.
Oh. My.
That is how my larger-than-life eyes, which are growing like drops of essential oil in water, are reacting to pulling out my red journal.
The year was 2003.
My heart pounds in my chest. Oh, how I love(d) this journal. The sight of this journal brings a smile, a pause in breath for quick reflection, and excitement about what I am about to see again.
2003 was a year exploding with exciting experiences, and awful moments, too. Oh, how I cried. Oh, how I love(d)!
NOTE: I’m working on a book with Jose Calvo and this journal has a nice list that I kept of Chicago (mostly) underground venues as well as a list of bands we had interviewed up to that point. It is quite impactful, I dare say.
Empezamos.
Sunday, January 12, 2003
I barely slept and my mind’s reeling with new thoughts and ideas. Yesterday was my birthday. I’m now 31.
It’s the Aquarian age.
The age of cooperation.
Why am I writing in short sentences? Dork.
I spent the evening at Los Cazos and then went on to Green Mill for some jazz and more drinks. I finally had enough libations when we went to Clark’s for some coffee and food. Bleh.
Don’t change your life…
change your vibration?
January 13, 2003 (a list of to-do’s that includes)
- Hector “el rock es cultura”
- we need band news
- get another band
Year-end review thanks to Tepoch, Casa Jaguares, Metaloco, Rock Clandestino, Al Borde, LAMC, Cookman International, Boom Magazine, Los Cazos, La Justicia, Big Horse Lounge, Cafe Revolucion, Rooster Blues, La Frontera, Dirty Worm Room, El Pancho Alegre, Agave Azul, Duke’s Roadhouse, Centro Museo de Bellas Artes Mexicanas, Hard Rock Cafe, KMA Management, House of Blues, Angels & Dragons, Casa del Rock, Apocalipsis Urbano.
Bands to thank:
Alebrije
Anderline
Asalto Rebelde
A Todo O Nada
Angeles del Infierno
Aterciopelados
Biblia Negra
La Barranca
Confusion
Cecilia Toussaint
Descarga
Disel
El Guapo
Ekiz
El Ritual
Ely Guerra
Fear Unknown
Garrobos
Hispanic Panic
Icaro Azul
Jaula
Jaguares
Jumbo
Joselo Cafe Tacuba
Jorge Moreno
Kardoid
Kronica
Kinky
Kelvis
La Muerte
Luis Jahn
Leprosy
Loner
La Ley
La Parka
Laceituna
Miktlan
Ministry
Miseria Urbana
Monospit
Nañuco
Norge Glass Company
Maldita Vecindad
Ozomatli
Piramide
Podridos
Planeta de Crystal
Pesdeyet
Palomazo Blues
Raiz Viva
Rata Blanca
Real de 14
Rascuache
Sur 16
Sara Valenzuela
Third Estate
Uno De Mas
Undo
Voz de Mano
Vero
Vendima
Vatos Locos
Volumen Cero
Zamandoque Tarahum
Winter 2003
“Exaggerating doesn’t make things true.”
January 22, 2003
I’m enjoying sharing my knowledge and love of music and art with a younger generation. Watching young people’s faces light up when listening to live music in a completely different environment than they’re used to, is energizing. Maybe I’ve found a new calling. We’ll see.
January 23, 2003
No one ever said it was easy, except Nietzsche. Why can’t it be a little less tough for those of us wanting change? For those of us who’ve found the answer?
January 24, 2003
Today I met a man.
His name is Raul.
He writes poems.
He has a masterful voice.
He talked about his watch.
He wrote a poem about it.
It was quite timely,
considering I was late for work.
enero 26 del 2003
es bonito saber
que existen personas
aparte de las que me dieron vida
que se preocupan por mi.
La Doña me invito a
tomar te y platicar un rato
en su hogar ya que estaba
preocupada por mi situacion financiera.
Como calma
el alma
la sabiduria ajena.
January 26, 2003
Nice To Meet You
It doesn’t matter what they tell you on the news nowadays, you always gotta make sure yourself. Would I be standing and trembling ankle-deep in filthy snow if I would’ve known?
Note: the story revolves around a person carrying a tote bag. What’s in it is the question. She reveals her name and bag’s contents at the end.
He kept thinking if he got things done quickly he would do more things with his time. He missed the point about enjoyment, though.
enero 27 del 2003
Te gusto el disfraz?
Observa, tengo mas
cubriendo mi existir
detienen el sentir
Te gusto el disfraz?
Que facil enmascarar.
enero 29 del 2003
El Sindrome de Stockholm
Tus palabras
penetraban
las observaciones
convertidas
a filosofias
mis creencias
cuestionaste
insistias
provocarme.
Asi paso el tiempo
conseguiste la duda
y quebro mi armadura
Asi paso el tiempo
Enfrenaste ese camino
falstamente, conseguido
Tus palabras
asimilaban
mis ideas
por fin encontradas
Divisiones
ya no existen
somos uno
alma y mente.
January 31, 2003
They sat looking at each other wondering who would speak first. Their brief hellos were cold and frigid. There was no emotion in their actions. No reactions.
And so it went.
It might have been cloudy, gloomy, throughout the night.
Yet there was always visibility…
always some light.
February 1, 2003
Space shuttle Columbia was destroyed over Texas today fifteen minutes before landing. All seven astronauts were killed. The cause is yet unknown but terrorist motives were immediately ruled out.
February 2, 2003
Is being recognized for my cable TV show part of my ’15 Minutes’?
I hope not.
February 22, 2003
Last week 21 people died in a nightclub here in Chicago. People panicked when someone sprayed mace thinking it was a terrorist attack.
Sunday night, or a few days ago, 96 people died at a nightclub when a fire was started by fireworks by the performing band out in PA.
Today, a rainstorm collapsed a Toy-R-Us and then a Wal-Mart.
Hector says I’m falling for the machine.
Well, I hope he stays awake on my behalf. I ain’t falling, I’m just listening too closely.
Undated
I’m burdened with the huge responsibility of finding a new venue for my Latin rock community. When I feel I’ve taken a step forward, someone stands before me and pushes me back fast against a steel wall. I’m tired of it, man. Why the constant fight? Will it always be like this? Can’t I get a break once in a while?
February 12, 2003
Lines are fading slow.
Changes among the lazy are just that, lazy.
You determine your outcome and wait for someone else to change it for you.
Irony lives and breathes within us all.
There is no fate.
We end up in the same location, others, fortunately, sooner than others.
Why bother to choose anything when it means nothing in the end?
February 16, 2003
The threat of nuclear warfare looms. We hear about it, we read about it, but we don’t talk about it. At least not among my friends. Are we avoiding the taste of fear?
Song
Estuve tranquila
y de repente
llegaste tu
tu
tu.
Estaba vacia
y de repente
llegaste tu
tu
tu.
Good Girl
Present yourself tidy,
smiling bright,
with eyes half-closed
they won’t see what exists inside.
Watch out, humanity,
when the good girl finally stares
directly at you
you’ll wish you had listened more closely
when she tried to explain things to you.
See the people standing by her,
smiling bright,
with eyes half-closed?
Not too many, huh?
Yeah, only a few will understand.
Are you ready to listen?
February 27, 2003
Fred Rogers — Mr. Rogers — died today.
March 1, 2003, 2:45 a.m. Red Line
I cling to desperation like an addict to his fix.
Without, I die.
Call me a coward for not ending things soon enough.
Call me a fool for staying around for so long.
That hope that at one point pushed me forward has suddenly vanished.
With lies, false promises, deceit, and betrayal,
I stay here…
constantly surrounded by it…
a masochist for pain.
The girl who sat next to me had no life in her eyes.
The ratty clothes she wore,
with the few belongings she owned carried in a paper bag,
reflect back my image.
We looked at each other and sighed in understanding.
The difference, I guess, is my shit is in a cloth backpack.
Yeah, I’m lucky like that.
March 6, 2003
Don’t overwhelm me with your disappointments.
Render unto me only
that which I can
grow from
misery
contempt
happiness
joy
only that will make me whole.
At this point, I think three months’ work of entries is enough for today. There is just too much for one digital post so I am breaking things up into quarters.
Until then, un abrazo…
